Favorite Office Monologue Ever

"What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he’s the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier."

Six More

Sorry, nothing too exciting to mention. Just been helping my parents move and watching crappy movies. We're up to 40 now. I might update the list with every 5 or 10 I see as to keep this from getting too out of control.

40. Happening, The
39. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
38. Eye, The
37. Mamma Mia
36. Jumper
35. Promotion, The
34. Charlie Bartlett
33. Zombie Strippers
32. Drillbit Taylor
31. Definitely, Maybe
30. Incredible Hulk, The
29. Journey To The Center Of The Earth
28. House Bunny, The
27. Baby Mama
26. Semi-Pro
25. Hancock
24. Meet Dave
23. Hellboy 2
22. What Happens In Vegas
21. You Don't Mess With The Zohan
20. Step Brothers
19. Wanted
18. Love Guru, The
17. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
16. Fools Gold
15. Pineapple Express
14. Australia
13. Kung Fu Panda
12. Horton Hears A Who
11. Tropic Thunder
10. Deception
9. Vantage Point
8. Role Models
7. Get Smart
6. Burn After Reading
5. Iron Man
4. Changeling
3. My Blueberry Nights
2. Dark Knight, The
1. WALL-E

Finally, A Crappier Movie Than Indy Jones

34. Happening, The
33. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
32. Mamma Mia
31. Charlie Bartlett
30. Drillbit Taylor
29. Definitely, Maybe
28. Incredible Hulk, The
27. Journey To The Center Of The Earth
26. Baby Mama
25. Semi-Pro
24. Hancock
23. Meet Dave
22. Hellboy 2
21. What Happens In Vegas
20. You Don't Mess With The Zohan
19. Step Brothers
18. Wanted
17. Love Guru, The
16. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
15. Fools Gold
14. Pineapple Express
13. Australia
12. Kung Fu Panda
11. Horton Hears A Who
10. Tropic Thunder
9. Vantage Point
8. Role Models
7. Get Smart
6. Burn After Reading
5. Iron Man
4. Changeling
3. My Blueberry Nights
2. Dark Knight, The
1. WALL-E

The Happening is astronomically bad. It's so bad you watch it to laugh at how bad it is. It is undoubtedly the basis for the Mark Wahlberg "Say hi to your mother for me" sketch on SNL. It's bad from the opening scene all the way through. I can't say it has NO redeeming qualities (it is definitely well shot and the budget clearly isn't small) but wow it's rough.

Some Funny Stuff

Since I generally only post narcissistic (sp?) jibber jabber (and why not? I rule) I figured I should probably share some stuff you might theoretically enjoy:

YouTube goodness:
Mario Kart Love Song
Dark Knight PSA (stolen from Ryan)
Glorious Baby Shower
Numa Numa Returns "Live Your Life" To The Internet
Stavenhagen's Food Pawn Shop
Pepperbee's Satisfaction Guaranteed
Dark Knight Spoilers (some of these are old, granted)

Other goodness:
Most Baffling Book Titles
Chattanooga Prostitution Ring
225 Demotivational Posters

Last but not least,
Triumph The Insult Comic Dog never, ever disappoints me.

Four More...

26. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
25. Charlie Bartlett
24. Drillbit Taylor
23. Definitely, Maybe
22. Incredible Hulk, The
21. Journey To The Center Of The Earth
20. Baby Mama
19. Semi-Pro
18. Hancock
17. Hellboy 2
16. You Don't Mess With The Zohan
15. Step Brothers
14. Love Guru, The
13. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
12. Pineapple Express
11. Kung Fu Panda
10. Horton Hears A Who
9. Tropic Thunder
8. Role Models
7. Get Smart
6. Burn After Reading
5. Iron Man
4. Changeling
3. My Blueberry Nights
2. Dark Knight, The
1. WALL-E